STONED CHETTIE

N.B. This blogpost is best viewed on a computer or tablet – NOT designed for mobile ‘phone

For many years I penned a varied mixture of short stories about the hobby of metal detecting and called my column a MEDLEY. I took ages to find a suitable name. You may equate ‘medley’ with a collection of of songs or other musical items performed as a continuous piece or even a swimming race in which contestants swim sections in different strokes.

The common factor welding these items together is was my mixture [motley] of stories intended for and likely to be understood by a small number of people with a specialised knowledge or interest ie, metal detectorists. My blog today is called a ‘medley’ but on this occasion I am not writing for any audience in particular. Wonder if I’ll catch on?

---

STUNNING STONE IMAGES

Painted and Photographed by Jo Winter

During the Covid lockdown Jo spent some of her time imaginatively painting stones. Of course, she wasn’t the first to do dabble in this pursuit; rock painting is the the oldest human art form – and survives in about every continent of the world not only in caves, but also in the open air.

French Lascaux cave: Hall of Bulls – probably the most famous of all rock art

Ancient rock artists painted people and animals. It is difficult to say why they painted these pictures. Some archaeologists think that the paintings were created to bring good fortune to a hunt as a kind of spiritual exercise. It could be that the artists simply painted things they found beautiful. We just don’t know.

If you are a metal detectorist and have reached this far then congratulate you. I may have captured the attention of lithic guru Jon Adkin (aka Flinty), but many swingers will have fallen by the wayside. And I don’t blame you – this paragraph will be the only mention of the hobby. Be warned. Go clean yer gear, polish your Go-Pro, make a coffee or summat.

If you are a metal detectorist and have reached this far then congratulate you. I may have captured the attention of lithic guru Jon Adkin (aka Flinty), but many swingers will have fallen by the wayside. And I don’t blame you – this paragraph will be the only mention of the hobby. Be warned. Go clean yer gear, polish your Go-Pro, make a coffee or summat.

---

FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE HOSPICE

BEAUTIFUL GARDEN MAINTAINED BY VOLUNTEERS

VOLUNTEER MELODY MAN LARRY

One day Jo presented some of her work to Karen, the activities co-ordinator at the hospice, and I know painting stones became part of the ‘curriculum’. The garden is usually a space of calm and tranquility [Larry’s strumming and singing is an annual treat].

On my respite and assessment recently I was able to spend a little time ‘chilling out’ in this beautiful space and I noticed some excellent stones painted by ‘patients’. This is what I was able to enjoy:

These stones have a real purpose as well as being decorative. The goals are simple and diverse . . . to promote random acts of kindness to unsuspecting people who may come across one that has been placed on a wall or park bench. Maybe the finder was having a terrible day and an unexpected gift left will make them smile. The finder can either take the stone home or move it to another location for others to discover. In general if you find a stone you may hang on to it, but usually the hope is that you will replace it in another location. The uses depend on your imagination! A unique way of advertising a local group is another use.

So, the idea is simple. People paint stones bright colours, sometimes with short messages on the underside and hide them – usually in plain sight – so that others can discover them. The person who finds the stone can take a photo of it or a selfie and post back to a Facebook page. Jo’s page was a Brighton-based group with the inevitable name ‘Brighton Rocks’ and also had the FB details.

---

PITMATIC

When I was just a bairn I spoke ONE language, and THREE dialects. The dialects were PITMATIC – GEORDIE and POSH GEORDAn example of Pitmatic – when playing with the lads around the chip shop, for example – would be CHETTIE for potato: Me Ma hated this word [and others] and reprimanded me for using Pitmatic in the house. It was thought ‘common’.

At school we talked Geordie – and the humble potato became a TATIE. The only people in the village who used Received Pronunciation, the standard form of talking based on educated speech in southern England was the midwife and the schoolmaster. But a lot of people including me – and women when wanting to impress – used a form of speech I call Posh Geordie. Thus the vegetable became a POTATA or PUTATOE.

The Pitmatic Chettie

pitmatic, n. Pron. /pɪtˈmatɪk/ A patois used by miners in the north-east of England. aka Yakka. (OED).

The first citation in the OED entry for pitmatic is taken from The Times of 21 August 1885, in which a bewildered writer reports on a visit to a colliery foreman’s office ‘thronged with men talking an unintelligible language known, I was informed, as Pitmatic’. Source: Oxford University Press

MAN of the PEOPLE

John Scott Cummings was a Labour politician who served as Member of Parliament for Easington from 1987 until 2010. He was also a lifelong friend, best man at my marriage to Lynda [Mrs. John] and Godfather to our children. In the late 1950’s we trained together to be colliery electricians. Like me, he was proud of his mining background and especially his dialect …

I recalled watching an early televised parliamentary committee dealing with the state of the beaches in the north-east (the National Coal Board used to tip waste into the sea), in which John spoke. “He declared: ‘The poor bairns are plodging in muck and clarts up to their oxters.’

Whether the rest of those learned men understood what he was talking about, I don’t know, but he made his point forcibly and with passion. The next time I saw him I suggested that the BBC should use interpretative captions. He laughed … and lit another tab.”

QUEEN’S ENGLISH

The standard British accent is something called received pronunciation, or RP [sometimes Queen’s English]. Geographically, people who speak with this accent live in the southeastern part of England. This is traditionally a “posh” part of England, so this accent is considered to be upper/middle class.

In the past, having an RP accent might have helped you to get a better job. Having a “working class” (non-RP) accent might have prevented you from getting on, for you were regarded as being ‘thick’. In spite of this my friend John became an MP and I became a teacher of English – in Buckinghamshire, the only Geordie teaching O Level English Language and literature to southern kids! For a time, I was ‘unique’.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

---

Discover more from

Subscribe to get the latest posts to your email.